Transformers 3: Robots in demise.
Review may contain spoilers…
Flashback: Autobots crash land on the moon with big weapon. Dodgy JFK look-a-likes. Present Day: Dodgy Obama look-a-likes. Rosie Huntington’s arse enters. Buzz Aldrin enters. Buzz exits. Shia Lebeouf talks quickly. Optimus Prime is so wise. Quirky character No.1 enters. Orange tinged human faces. Finally some action… Bumblebee is actually pretty cool. Quirky character No.2 enters. Megatron is back. Robots fight. Cleavage shot. Quirky character No.3 enters. Rosie Huntington’s legs. Robots fight. Quirky character No.3 dies. Michael Bay highway scene (TM). Quirky character No.4 enters. Double crossing robot! Robots fight humans. Panty shot. Humans fight humans. Cleavage shot. Slo-mo robot fight. Slo-mo of people getting out of cars. Slo-mo Shia Lebeouf. Bad robot guy. Bad human guy. Shit gets blown up. Buildings get destroyed. Flying robots. Flying people. Big fight. More slo-mo of people getting out of cars. Humans dead. Robot’s dead. Chicago destroyed. Rosie Huntington remains unblemished. Cleavage shot. Slo-mo of people walking with fire and rubble in the background. Rosie Huntington is out-acted by robots. Optimus Monologue. The End. Quirky characters act ‘funny’ as credits role. Actual End.
More of summary than a review, although it remains true to the film as it’s way too long, tedious and quite shit.
Captain America Poster
Brilliant Fan art, in homage to a Rocketeer poster. Both films directed by Joe Johnston.
X-Men: First Class Review…
So it turns out that Fox didn’t bother to put any food on, not even a themed Kevin Bacon sandwich like I hoped for. After waiting an hour for the film to start X-Men gets off to a promising start. The story follows young Magneto (Fassbender) and Prof X (McAvoy), as they deal with their ‘mutations’ during childhood and into later life. Magneto’s being filled with torment and abuse, whilst Xavier’s filled with education, books, posh Britishness and stuff. Embargo prevents from revealing much else so the redacted review is below…
X-men is a _____ movie.
It’s probably the ______ out of all four X-Men films.
Kevin Bacon is a ______.
James McAvoy and Fassbender are ______ as Xavier and Magneto, particularly Fassbender.
January Jones has massive _____, I didn’t realise they were so big!
There is a brilliant cameo by ________ as _______ but he doesn’t get his claws into much.
Fox, put on some food next time, you _____s
I give it __ out of 5 Bacons
Muppets Movie: Find-a-Frog Poster
At first glance this looks like just another Amy Adams chick flick…
After closer inspection however, it’s clearly a work of genius…
Trailer is here… Muppets are back!!
It’s Super-injunction fever!
Tonight I’m going to see this
But before I can go, I have to sign this.
Which can mean only one thing…
The early door time suggests there will be free food and drink, which means that they want people to be in the best possible mood before they watch it. And then they’ll break you arms if you try and tell anyone what you think about it afterwards.
All signs point to greatness. Redacted review tomorrow.
Take that Fox
Un-amazing, Amazing Spider-man teaser poster.
40th Post Innuendo Special!
Someone’s made quite a splash at the box-office…